misanthropic at best

do you ever wish you could change someone?

because you know, with every fibre of your being, that it's for their own good

but you don't know why you even bother 

because they won't change

not for the better at least

x

things i know for certain (god forbid)

i'm going to fail my mid years with flying colours
i'm going to get a mediocre score for the SATs
i'm going to screw up my prelims because
i'm going to have to take the october SATs
i'm going to get shitty predictive grades
i'm not going to get into any of my dream universities
i'm so done with this shitfest of a life

i'm not going to school tomorrow

re: reasons not to

re: reasons to live

GUYS 

CAN YOU JUST

OHMYGOD

JUST LOOK

AAAAAAAAAAAH

!!!

face demons

so today
out of bloody nowhere
my teacher decides to ask me if i'm stressed because "all (my) pimples are coming out"
now, I know she didn't mean it in a mean way but i mean
come on
do you have any idea how extremely self conscious I am about that?
I know i've got terrible skin
and trust me, i've tried everything
somedays i still feel so disgusting and gross
that I don't even have it in me to go down to the canteen for breaks
(I wouldn't want anyone to see my face if they don't absolutely have to)
:/

i've got more than enough things to feel shitty so thanks for that.

blanket apology

to anybody who has to put up with me this week

i'm sorry for being depressing
i'm sorry for being annoying
i'm sorry for being a jerk
i'm sorry for being irritable
i'm sorry for being moody
i'm sorry for being emotional
i'm sorry for being fat
i'm sorry for being disgusting
i'm sorry for being quiet

i'm sorry for being boring

i'm sorry for being useless
i'm sorry for being me

nightmares//dreams

A bit late on my sunday post (there didn't seem to be much to talk about)

I don't know why

but i've been having the worst nightmares recently.

On saturday I had the most vivid dream that I was a character in Once Upon A Time

(of course I don't remember any of it now) 

I do remember waking up mid-nap wondering why the hell I was dreaming about OUAT

(I think Captain Hook & I were battling a giant toad?) 

--but then again, i'd just had the brilliant revelation that mixing coffee powder and milo powder might mask the coffee taste and keep me relatively conscious while going through the boundless SAT vocab words, so maybe it was just the sugar high vs the coffee fix--

i've equally graphic dreams every day since

what a problem to have though

"my subconscious hates me"

do you think dreamcatchers work?