New Years Resolutions

• blog more, or at all really
• take more polaroids
• buy a film camera to take photos for future dorm room
• be less jaded 
• be nicer to my parents
• be nicer to everyone
• more sociable
• appreciate my friends more
• get fit
• get a job 
• maybegetaboyfriendidk
• to write something, everyday. 
• not be so hard on myself
• not cry when getting A level results
• be as loud with strangers as I am around my best friends 
• not as obnoxious though, don't scare them away
• send snail mail to friends living overseas
• read more
• go to lush and buy a billion bath bombs 
• take more bubble baths to use said bath bombs while listening to the 1975
• instagram more
• start using facebook again
• be less self conscious
• take better care of my skin
• be less jealous
• just text the people whom i miss but haven't spoken to in a long while
• do less online shopping
• not beat myself up for online shopping anyway
• take jojo for more walks/ to the dog park

• try
• everything

((((((((( panic ))))))))))

This close to having a panic attack in class today. I couldn't breathe for a good few seconds and the only thing keeping me from going into full panic mode was not wanting my classmates to see me like that.

 I can’t take this stress anymore I just want everything to be over

• prelim grades suck
• mye grades suck
• 96% sure predicted grades will suck
• i will not get into a good US university
• there's no point paying $400,000 in tuition to study in a sucky US university
• I will get stuck in FASS, etc
• I will never get out of singapore  

• i'm this close to just quitting everything
• can i just take a gap year
• go to india and build some orphanages
• then figure out life from there

ummmmmm

"for fucks sake just tell him i'm a lesbian"

"ok hold up"

.......

"he said 'challenge accepted'"

#eargasm

it's french and it's amazing

yes ok maybe no idk ??? !!!

holy shit this is so accurate it's ridiculous

this is literally my life right now

they put the thing into words

#onrepeat

"Why did you cut your hair?"- ask.fm (x6)

Initially I did it for Locks Of Love, but after some help from an enlightening anon on my tumblr and some of my own research, i've decided instead on Wigs For Kids. It's basically a non- profit organization that provides hair replacement solutions for children affected by chemotherapy, alopecia, burns and other medical conditions. WFK actually supplies the wigs for free as opposed to LoL, which can charge up to thousands.

I've actually been wanting to do it since I found about it in secondary school, but my hair was never long enough. As for why, a few years ago my mom got really sick and her thyroid got really bad. As a result her hair went from being long and thick to extremely thin and very very sparse. I know she's really insecure about it and it makes me so upset because there's nothing I can do to help. She always comments about how she's so happy that my hair is extremely thick and healthy & she's really strict about me not putting any styling chemicals in my hair because she doesn't want me to go through the same things she has to. She always has to be extremely careful about what she put in her hair and on more than one occasion i've heard hair stylists comment obnoxiously about how they can't really style such little hair, and I really never ever want to see that look on her face again. 

Honestly, to some it might seem silly to be so concerned with such a superficial part of your appearance, but for a girl, that long mermaid hair has always been a way to feel good about yourself, and I cannot imagine a little girl having to wonder why she can't have the long locks all her friends have. 

In May of this year my hair finally reached the 12 inch minimum, but by then I really wanted my long hair for the role of Bianca in lit night, so I did it on the following weekend.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't affected by the comments, because that long hair really was my favourite thing about my appearance. Most people agree that it doesn't suit me as well as the long hair, but friends do say it's cute [DORA THE EXPLORER APPARENTLY] - although, I guess they can't exactly say otherwise. Still, I don't regret it one bit, because I know that there's a good chance it'll make a child somewhere very happy :) 

pre-cut shot by mum

IT HAPPENED SO FAST 

new term, new being

x

17) Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

generally, yes.

I should exercise more,
procrastinate a little less*
be a bit nicer
less sarcastic
more selfless
less vain

but generally, yes

*I have to finish a month's worth of homework in the next 7 days.
**why do I never learn
***it's like I enjoy fucking with my future self

heels are the devil's weapon

last wednesday was really fun/ a good last night out
pre's at snehal's with a lovely multitude of drinking games and drunk people
we started with the margarita mix waaay too early
and ended up taking involuntary cat naps on the floor/couch/table
got stamped at Avalon, and then those with IDs went over to Pangaea
personally I thought Avalon was better that night
(ok there may have been a certain guy there huehuehue)
ended the night taking care of a couple people throwing up
and then a sleepover at anika's with the casa crew :3
talked about our night's hookups/freakouts and went to sleep with our feet numb from pain

"Heels suck, but if I wear flats, i'm at boob-height with every girl on the dance floor and I really don't need to see that man, i've got my own."

How have you been feeling lately? (from ask.fm)

in one word, blessed.
it's 12.34 am and i'm feeling oddly appreciative of my life.

(this is incessant rambling that I just felt the need to pen down)

I've got the most amazing family I could honestly never ask for more. My parents are so incredibly supportive of everything I want to do- literally, which other asian parents would encourage their daughter to pursue drama and design in college even if the arts 'have no stable future'. They're so incredible about grades as well! I mean, whenever I do badly for exams or if i'm extremely stressed out (like in may/june when i had two consecutive SATs and MYEs) and i felt like I was screwing up my life, my dad just looked at me with an amused expression and asked why I was so stressed because they believed in me and even if I perform poorly, they just ask that I do my best and ask for help whenever I need :') He told me that I should never ever stress myself out about exams and then proceeded to take me out for yummy food :) Then i've got this awesome brother. Let me tell you about my brother okay, he is AMAZING. like legit the nicest guy you'll meet. He knows probably the entire 20-21ish population of Singapore I swear he so popular i'm known only as 'dhruv's sister' in most circles- which I am totally fine with because it is an awesome association :) Not to mention that he is a beast when he goes out. Literally such a baller when it comes to clubbing he's done it all. twice. He's really protective of me when I go out now though lol, he'll randomly show up to avalon when i'm there :') Plus he totally covers for me with my parents :P Not only that, but I was privileged with parents that worked so hard to provide for their family. My dad came from quite a poor background whereas my mom was an heiress and my dad refused my mom's family money and worked so hard to get to where he is as the top boss of an international company. He brought us from India to a huge penthouse in Singapore and is just the biggest inspiration of my life <3 He never hesitates to spoil us kids and I just hope I never forget to be appreciative of it :3 But at the same time he's the most generous person I know- always donating thousands of dollars to charities and orphanages in India (When I got my first allowance he gave me raises if i promised to donate a portion of it to any charity I wanted - I always chose the spca)

awk family photo yay

Then my friends omfg don't get me started i'll never stop. So i've pretty much got the most amazing best friends anyone could ask for. The ones who can make me laugh my ass off when I was crying a second ago. Like anika and I pretty much know everything about each other, she's in a different country and she'll still be the first person I talk to when something big happens! And then there's Gitu and Snehal, both whom i've know for more than 11 years! :O We don't see each other as much as i'd like and we can legit go 3 months without seeing each other but when we do, it's the most amazing time of my life. Then there's Nat and Emily and Deb who're my TKGS girls <3 we've been through so much together and we've just come out stronger and I love them so so much I can't even express it. Then the baes with Nat, Padma, Belle, Smrits- we came together in the most unconventional of circumstances but now I don't know how I would survive without them :') Then Sanjay, the soul- sister <3 literally knows almost everything about me and still hangs out with me??? we have the same retarded sense of humour and it's brilliant basically our whatsapp conversations are quite legendary :D The class girls! Charan, SiNi, Sandra <3 <3 I have no idea how I would have survived J2 without these girls seriously we are so awesome when we get together our conversations are just EPIC <3. And there's so so many other people in my life I couldn't live without it's too hard to list! Joce, Sean and rest of the class, Natalya, Sandy, Nooranah, all my drama people, all my oslp friends, Theians, etc you get the point.

Literally so thankful for being blessed with such amazing friends and family :') I feel like i'm in such a lovely place right now and I know i've got this tough trek to A-levels, but I know I can prevail with the support of all these people right here :')

46) What is your current desktop picture?

14) Last person you texted?

either Sanjay or Anika cbf to check

#yolonight

did pub crawl (thus the clean pictures) and then mad thrills UV paint edition

t'was a fun night :3

lol

this how it ended up 

it really was a fun night

A's 19th

avalon with anika, curtis and aidan <3
(at this point curtis was so gone we had absolutely no idea where he was)

7) What is the first thing you notice in new person?

How often they smile

6) Do you have any strange phobias?

Probably wouldn't classify them as phobias as they wouldn't exactly render me catatonic or anything but
-cats
-birds
-butterflies
-CLOWNS
-when you put too much hairspray in your hair and it becomes super stiff (every dance performance -.-)
-balding (it's genetic D:)
-SHARKS

5) Sexual orientation?

straight as a ruler
but then women like Mila Kunis/ Kat Dennings exist so
um
flexi curve maybe?
eheh

4) What do you think about most?

grades/ whether said grades are good enough to get into a good college/ SATs/ whether said SAT scores are good enough for my dream universities in the US/ A levels/ predicted grades and their accuracy/ collage essays/ application deadlines/ generally trying not to fuck everything up

i'm hyperventilating just typing this so i'm going to stop now

ugh #singaporeeducationsystem

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, write the first sentence

"And the murder of a person who was no friend of mine...A lawyer named Bjurman, also Lisbeth Salander's guardian"

- The Girl Who Kicked The Hornets' Nest
(3rd in the Millenium Trilogy)

I absolutely adore these books and highly recommend them to anyone. It can get quite confusing with all the similar sounding swedish euphamisms but the story is immpeccable :)

2) Put your iTunes on shuffle. What are the first 3 songs?

1) Tell me the truth, what made you start liking the person you like right now?

erm that's a negative since I don't actually fancy anyone right now
....
......
....
ok fine maybe there's this one guy whom I think is just adorable but he doesn't go to cj and I rarely ever see him so :''''''(

Mostly i just enjoy having something nice to look at bc relationships are so not my thing (✿◠‿◠)

i'm going to forget about this in a week

This list seems fun, i'll try for at least one everyday,
i'm going in order but if there's anything you want answered earlier just drop it in my askfm

1) Tell me the truth, what made you start liking the person you like right now? 
2) Put your iTunes on shuffle. What are the first 3 songs?
3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, write the first sentance.
4) What do you think about most?
5) Sexual orientation?
6) Do you have any strange phobias?
7) What is the first thing you notice in new person?
8) Hair color?
9) Favorite style of clothing?
10) What was the last lie you told?
11) How do you feel right now?
12) Where did you get the idea for your URL?
13) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?
14) Last person you texted?
15) How do you vent your anger?
16) Are you excited about anything?
17) Are you happy with the person you’ve become?
18) Best friend?
19) What’s your biggest “what if”?
20) What is something you disliked about today?
21) What was the last book you read?
22) Smell the air. What do you smell?
23) What’s the worst place you have ever been to?
24) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?
25) To you, what is the meaning of life?
26) Can you drive? If so, what kind of car do you drive?
27) How can I win you heart?
28) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?
29) Do you have any obsessions right now?
30) Top 5 blogs on tumblr?
31) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?
32) What is your astrological sign?
33) Have you smoked weed?
34) Love or lust?
35) In a relationship?
36) How many relationships have you had?
37) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?
38) Had a crush on someone of the same sex?
39) What did you do last night besides sleep?
40) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?
41) Favourite pizza topping?
42) What are you really bad at?
43) What do you like about myself?
44) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?
45) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?
46) What is your current desktop picture?
47) What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?
54) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?
55) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
56) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
58) How do you view sex?
59) What is a topic you love to discuss?
60) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

you were like home to me

anyone with a free afternoon,
torrent Now Is Good
it was beautiful,
absolutely heartbreakingly lovely
(i cried like a baby)

OST

shady bzns

ANIKA COMES BACK ON WEDNESDAY!!!
idk how i've survived without her for so long
it is no joke having your best friend go from 3 floors down to 839324 miles away
it's the worst kind of cold turkey there is
it's the mouldy, green-spotted, forgotten turkey at the bottom of the freezer after thanksgiving.

anyway, this means I might get a slight inkling of a life back
it pains me to think that at 16 I was going to zirca/ava/attica regularly but this year i've been only properly out 4/5 times ?!? Mostly it's because of my fake id disaster and my laziness to get a new one though. I'm still so made at myself for leaving the card in my beer-soaked bag after avicii last year :(( but then again I was barely able to stand straight much less think straight and didn't expect the bloody thing to become soggy and have the words to spread out :/

But I need a new one (goddamn november baby) so I went over to that shady ass place I went to three years ago and got another. (I got so lost in the process it's not funny- plus it's a reeeeally shady area and primarily chinese dominated area so not only did I have no idea where I was going, all these people were looking at me like //why is this brown person here she must be really lost let's just stare at her//.

Found the place though! I was so relieved it was still there because the police are always getting shutting these places down and my second option was the whole euro online thing which would've taken ages so yay for consistent shady business.

the new id is x145 better
so much more legit looking
(european citizen lol)

it looks shiny as bc i refuse to take it out of the plastic 

also did my nails aw yeah

CHURRRRRRROS

Gitu came over a couple weeks ago and we made churros
obstacles faced include not having any prior knowledge of how to fry things. ever. nada. none.
so yeah

they turned out really well though! the inside wasn't quite cooking through properly but it wasn't anything an excess of cinnamon sugar couldn't fix ;)

we then watched mamma mia whilst eating said cinnamon-y goodness :)

it was such a cute day and exactly what I needed to pull myself out of my funk

love that girly <3

re: midyears

Considering I had exactly 7 days to study for all of my subjects, they didn't go as badly as I thought they would, but they were still the worst series of exams i've sat for in CJ

Math - ha ha ha shit
Lit P3 - unseen was um interesting? but thanks to fahy's hints the text-bases qn was pretty ok..i think
Geog - pretty good
Econs - don't get me started, i am still pissed about the damn blackout because the revised paper was so much harder :( I know I could have done well for the old one
Lit P1 - don't ask

Now we just lay in wait for tuesday.

'tis been a while

omgosh it's been ages since my last post
so, naturally, tonight i'm just going to blog about EVERYTHING FROM THE PAST FEW WEEKS
in chronological order of course

but hey, do you feel that?
yeah, feels like freedom
I went from SAT to MYEs to SAT without any break whatsoever
so today, for the first time in 2 months, I have a day off- no shrill voice at the back of my head telling me to study for something or the other, effectively making my inner jiminy cricket writhe in pain whenever I'd do something remotely fun

sick (of school)

Haven't been to school for the past two days, not going tomorrow.

satupdate

• SAT I 

math was surprisingly easy, but I royally screwed up for english
(relatively good for a first try, i'm hoping)

• Gave up Kuantan for SAT round two :(

thank god for Si Ni helping me find a replacement so fast because VB would've probably eaten me if not

Can't wait for MYEs to finish so I can have that solid 15 days of pure revision.

#life

#gifqueen

Emergency Protocol: When in desperate need of cheering up

squishy baby faces are the best

future husband, i'm looking at you :3

:')

don't you ever have days when you're just like

"look Charles the human is waving!wave back charles, wave back!"
-tumblr